Baby Three - Musings Out Loud

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Baby Three

A collection of 11 posts

Blessings Revisited

Blessings Revisited

My baby, the one who sleeps in the room next to mine, the one who looks so much like her brothers, is a blessing. When I was about six months pregnant, someone said to me that she would be a blessing. At that moment, still unable to believe that she

Shattered Dreams

Shattered Dreams

“She felt as if the mosaic she had been assembling out of life’s little shards got dumped to the ground, and there was no way to put it back together.” -Anne Lamott I wondered when it would hit me. The days had been passing in a blur of color

Sacred Love

“In all this world, there is no love for you like mine.” -Maya Angelou Reading has always been important to our family. We read to our babies from infancy. We have reading time every single night. Bookshelves fill our rooms and words fill our children with wonder, transporting them to

Wonder and Sorrow

Wonder and Sorrow

That was long ago. Today neither of them is alive…. O my love, where are they, where are they going…. I ask not out of sorrow, but in wonder. -Czeslaw Milosz Today. The day the course of our lives changed. Two years ago today was the day that we learned

Inescapable Reality

Inescapable Reality

“Your death really feels like a prison sentence…Upon the slamming of those doors for the first time, one fights and struggles and wrestles trying to get them back open – trying to get back to freedom and the world you knew. Then, once resigned, you decorate. You hang up a

Missing the Echo

Missing the Echo

When Autumn was born, suddenly there were echoes of her sisters surrounding me. Close parallels, repetitions, deja vus of the last two times I gave birth, with an intensely different outcome. Or is Autumn the echo of those experiences? My body bleeds, shedding the remains of my uterus. It was

Rebirth

And just like that, she was born. Autumn Nadine Taws. It was the moment I hardly dared to picture. Someone I love wrote to me earlier this week: “When your new one is safely in your arms, you will know that you have been on a hero’s journey and

Don't Ignore Changes

Don't Ignore Changes

“You can sit quietly, and if what comes up in that 10 minutes is terrifying, gripping knowing, give yourself permission to do nothing about it for awhile. But don’t pretend you don’t know it. You owe yourself at least that: not to abandon truth, not to abandon yourself.

We Can't Do This Alone

We Can't Do This Alone

“For thousands of years we have gathered in circle–around fires, around bodies, around altars–because we can’t do this alone.” -W. Muller This day has been looming for the past four weeks: my mid-pregnancy ultrasound. Since my 16 week appointment, I have had a regular OBGYN appointment, a

In the Box

The box arrived from Amazon and I knew what it was: an at-home baby heartbeat monitor. In the weeks leading up to losing Iris, I was out of my mind with anxiety. Likely an unhealthy level, and one that was rendering me nearly non-functional. I bought the Wusic heart rate

The Myth

Once there was a woman and a man, who had been together for a long time. They entered adulthood together and married, bought a house, had successful careers, and two adorable young boys. The couple decided that they wanted to have a third child and the woman became pregnant with