Musings Out Loud

seasons

The Colors Are Coming

No doubt Fall is here.

anxiety

I Don't Expect to Arrive

I think of everything that could go wrong.

birthdays

Growing Up

I'm so proud of the person my son is growing up to be.

birthdays

It's That Time of Year

It is Nelle's birthday. And I have to give myself some grace.

Back to School

The first days of a new school year are always hard.

sharing my story

The Best News

I had to make a choice to be vulnerable.

birthdays

Five Years

My guilt became overwhelming. My daughter deserved a party and I blew it.

friendship

The Language of Losing Friends

Preserving friendships: Knowing when to work hard and when to let go — that’s the difficult part.

grief

I Still Cry Sometimes

Crying in my car was a reminder that no matter how much time passes, I always carry grief.

home

Fixing Things

Here I am. Trying to fix things. Trying to move, keep busy, and not let myself think too much.

current events

The Irrational and Rational

It's hard to tell my brain to turn off those irrational fears because they seem rational.

abortion rights

Lost Freedom

Since I recognized the slump I’m in, I’m doing the best I can to pull myself forward.

abortion rights

Feeling Scattered

We’re not supposed to live in a constant state of turmoil, fear, and devastation.

career

The Work of Summer

Summer always seems to bring an inevitable slowdown, both in work and life.

COVID-19

The End of the School Year

Another school year has drawn to a close.

current events

Anguished Screams

I had to just pretend that I wasn’t completely broken inside.

writing

What Is Missing

All I’m missing now is time. I still have to “fit” writing into my overall schedule.

current events

Mother's Day Is Complicated

I don’t need a special day of acknowledgment. Nor do I want it, as a bereaved mother

dreams

A Dream I Had

I’ve had dreams in the past where I immediately start sobbing upon hearing the news that my baby had died. Not this time.

parenting after loss

In the Clouds

Instead of letting my daughter create a fantasy world, I decided to give her some facts.

parenting

Wanting Sisters

With my daughter, it’s so much more than simply "the youngest child" or "the baby of the family."

road trip

Some Time Away

I like routine, a lot. But I have also appreciated this break.

burnout

Burnout Has Changed Me

The more I read about burnout, the more I realize that the path to recovery is not a short one.

birthdays

The Third Pandemic Birthday

This year, my son's birthday felt normal again.

COVID-19

How Far We've Come

I no longer feel like I'm staring down a dark tunnel with no visible light.