grief - Musings Out Loud

Musings Out Loud

Sign in Subscribe

grief

A collection of 28 posts

abstract watercolor illustration of a 6 year old girl standing at the edge of a pond

And Now Six

Sometimes the choice not to continue results in grief.

Abstract watercolor of a blue and rust colored wave

Sad That It's Not Sad

We focus so much on mourning.

watercolor looking out a window at trees on a rainy day

I Still Cry Sometimes

Crying in my car was a reminder that no matter how much time passes, I always carry grief.

watercolor a single slice of strawberry cake with one birthday candle

A Cake Too Early

I still don't know what to do about a cake.

looking up at the sky through the branches of a huge oak tree. the sun is peeking through the leaves, watercolor illustration

Gathering to Remember

The coulee will always hold a special place in my heart and some of my most magical childhood memories.

watercolor an old woman lying on a bed with 100 years of memories sad and happy at the same time

A Remarkable 100 Years

My grandmother certainly lived a life unlike most. From traveling the world to her hobbies to her longevity, she was unique and always had a story to tell. My grandma — my last living grandparent — passed away last night around 5:00 pm. She was 100 years, 8 months, and 12

an abstract watercolor illustration of an empty, dry field under a stormy sky

2020 Has Made Me Numb

I cannot feel anymore, not in the way that I normally do.

black and white watercolor illustration of a silhouette of a woman looking out the window at the rain

Ninety-One Days

For the time being, it continues to feel like Survival Mode.

abstract watercolor illustration of a hooded person in fog with mountains in the background

Acceptance of the New Normal

I try to stay connected with people, but it isn't the same.

a somber Chrimstas wreath

Seasons of Grief

We will be friend and foe for a lifetime.

a small silver clock on a table

Don't Let the Moment Slip Away

Three years out looks like a very different place.

abstract watercolor illustration of dying tulips in a field

When the Work Isn't Helpful

I left therapy feeling worse than I have in a long time.

abstract watercolor illustration of two wedding rings on top of a lace doily

For Better or Worse

I can't pretend that nothing is going on

How Sleep Has Changed

Sleep changed forever the day that I found out Nelle had died. Beginning in the hospital, I was unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes throughout the more than 24-hours of labor. With each of my living babies, I struggled with breastfeeding. The first three or four

abstract watercolor illustration of fall leaves on a twisted tree branch

Sliding into Fall

Fall is my favorite season.

abstract watercolor illustration of the silhouettes of a few birds flying over a barren field

I Just Move On

Having a plan and then abandoning the plan sucks.

watercolor a space view of a lonely planet

Planet Elsewhere

I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience, where I am watching myself going through the motions.

watercolor of a spiral of water spinning out of control

A Spiral

Trying to find words for my sorrow yesterday and preparing for our upcoming trip.

watercolor of a dirt path going through a forest full of shadows

That Conversation

Silence on my walks is not good for me.

watercolor of a room with brown walls and a hardwood floor no furniture a window with sunshine flowing in

Room

I painted the office that we had intended to be the nursery.

watercolor of a sad young woman with brown hair

Triggers

In my own head, I'm trying to heal as best I can, knowing it will take time.

watercolor of angry dark blue cumulus clouds

Bad Day

Yesterday ended up being a really bad day for me.

watercolor image of a broken heart

Band-Aid

Today I noticed that some of leaves are just starting to change colors.

watercolor of a young woman with short brown hair wearing a thick winter jacket staring off into the distance

Moving Through the Days

She was part of my life for 21 weeks.