writing What Is Missing All I’m missing now is time. I still have to “fit” writing into my overall schedule.
parenting Telling My Son to Follow His Dreams If I were starting now, I might have chosen a different path.
birthdays A New Chapter On February 12th, 2001, Ger and I got engaged. On February 12th, 2016, we learned that Iris had no heartbeat at 16 weeks, 1 day. And on February 12th, 2021, I had my last day at a job I have been at for 15 years. So the day seems to
marriage Ninety Minutes for Me This week has been absolutely nutty. Make that last week and this week — or perhaps every day since Friday the 13th when it was also an impending full moon. That’s it. Work has been a combination of Friday the 13th, the Full Moon, and toss in Groundhog Day, for
marriage Reclaiming the Morning My husband and I have a long-standing arrangement on weekends. On Saturday morning, he sleeps in and I wrangle all of the kids. Up with Autumn around 6:00, breakfast for the older kids when they wander into the kitchen around 6:45… usually pancakes or waffles. By 8:00,
birthdays The Rumbling The first book I read after Nelle died in September of 2015 was Rising Strong by Brene Brown. It was exactly what I needed at that time. Brown talks about three parts of the rising strong process: the Reckoning, the Rumble, and the Revolution. Of the rumble, she writes: “The
gratitude Practicing Gratitude in Many Ways I began seeing a therapist, Alexia, five days after Nelle was stillborn. I remember making the phone call to a counseling services group that had been recommended to me and when asked for the reason for wanting the appointment I had to say the words out loud “Because… because my
writing Ready to Launch Somewhere in the middle of last year, I decided that I would write a book. I had the content captured in my blog and my private writing, but knew that it needed to be organized and re-written and edited. Still, it was something I wanted to pursue.In the last
SHARE Around the Table I took me over a year to attend my first SHARE meeting. It was hard. The passage of months hadn’t lessened my pain. Speaking around a table of parents who had experienced loss did not bring me comfort. Instead, I felt the weight of their stories and sadness. The
honoring Words Change the World A few weeks ago, I submitted an essay to a website under a specific theme. The rejection email came with a simple sentence: “Thank you but unfortunately this is not what we are looking for.” It hurt more than it should have, as I know rejection is an unavoidable aspect
music Where To Put Grief This past week, I have been editing some of my own writing. It is writing that I did in the months between losing Nelle and Iris. I found myself tensing up as I read my own words. I was still reeling from the pain of losing Nelle, pregnant again, terrified.
on coming alive On Coming Alive (After losing Iris, I joined an online grief writing course in March of 2016. For 30 days, I received an emailed prompt and could write and share it with other people enrolled in the course. As the 30 days ended, I realized how much I needed the prompts to give
writing The Seeker “The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss
sleep Writing No Energy No energy 2:00 am again cannot calm cannot sleep feeling nauseous worried about stress a bath sounds like too much work I love baths but cannot take one Best chance for sleep 9pm to midnight then up every hour or two up and down in and out of fitful
writing Opening a Window When life closes a door, it opens a window. But if the door isn’t locked, there’s no reason you can’t just open it for yourself, right? -unknown It is Memorial Day. I am sitting in the backyard, with the sound of the waterfall in front of me,
parenting Love Letter (Note: I tried to write this on Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t. Finished it up today instead, the first day of my third trimester.) Of all the deserving mothers, this is written especially for those who are not able to hold all of their children in their arms
writing Revenge Against Circumstance Writing is a kind of revenge against circumstance too: bad luck, loss, pain. If you make something out of it, then you’ve no longer been bested by these events. -Louise Gluck Back in April of 2016, after completing my grief writing course, I came up with a series of
writing Writer's Block Earlier this week, a friend told me that I appear to be doing well, based on reading what I had written lately. The next day, another friend said the exact same thing, almost word for word. My response? “Huh. Well then I must be doing a good job of pretending
therapy Therapy Wednesday, September 16, 2015 Journal Entry: It has been 12 days and 19 minutes since I gave birth to Nelle. She was born at 6:22 p.m. on September 4th and she had already left this world. I started seeing a therapist the week immediately following. The first session,
writing Can't Bear to Give Up I do not know the exact day that I lost them. I think of the day that we found out that there was no heartbeat as “the day that we lost her but that is not true. I do not know the exact day that their hearts stopped beating. September
books Making Soup From a kids’ book called Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen: The next morning as Grandy was cleaning up, Chester asked her if she was done making tear soup. “Well, I don’t think you actually ever finish. The hard work of making this batch of soup is
