Brain Tumor Eviction Countdown

40 days ago, I started posting a Brain Tumor Eviction Countdown on Threads. Here is the roundup of how I've felt over the last 40 days.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 40
I've kind of figured out the client work I'll need to get done over the next few weeks before brain surgery. I was really worried that my 1-person business would be destroyed, but many of my long-term clients assured me that I can resume work after recovery. ❤️ 40 days until Betty the Tumor is evicted from my brain.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 39
Working with a bunch of people, trying to get things lined up to keep my business moving while I recover from brain surgery.

Also my two older kiddos are doing some work for me this summer. That was planned BEFORE I found out I had a brain tumor and they are both doing awesome. ❤️

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 38
Got to wrap up a client assignment today — last deliverable for this client until I'm back post-surgery.
My two older kids have dentist appointments.
Wrote a post for my personal blog this morning (scheduled to publish tomorrow).
And... I dunno. Maybe will pre-write some social media posts if I'm in the mood later. Having a hard time focusing on stuff.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 35 (I missed a few days)
Woke up at 2:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep. So that's fun.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 34
Met with a career coach today. I'd hired her BEFORE I found out I had a brain tumor.

The meeting was like "Sooooo.... need to shift the context of this conversation...."

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 33
My kids don't have camp today and my husband isn't working for Juneteenth. So the whole fam is going to the Art Institute of Chicago.

There's no way of knowing what I'll be like after surgery. Might be fine. Might have some type of impact on me physically (like my hearing or the ability to move my arm).

So I'm trying to do things "as I am now" - while also trying not to sob thinking this might be the "last time" I can do something as I am now.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 32
I sleep terribly. I wake up during the night and I cannot get back to sleep. My mind keeps swirling around all the potential bad outcomes of brain surgery.

0/10, do not recommend a month-long wait between diagnosis and surgery.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 31

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 31Later this morning, I'm taking my 13-year-old grocery shopping. He's in charge of learning how to shop for the family so he can help my parents while I'm recovering. He's really detail-oriented - I know he'll do a great job.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 30

I've been scheduling lunch/dinner dates with friends and have one today. I want to spend time with the people I care about, but it also feels weird. Like knowing that I might not be the same person post-surgery (there are risks of physical deficits, but my mind should be intact). And that this might be the last time we spend together as I am now.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 29

I've got a pre-surgery appointment in Chicago (I live out in the suburbs). Need to take my oldest to a dentist appointment, then going to order my oldest two kids pizza because they'll stay home while I'm in the city (they're teenagers). Husband is traveling for work.

My youngest has camp and a friend has graciously offered to pick her up at the end of the day and keep her until I get back. ❤️

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 28

I had some pre-op testing done yesterday (bloodwork) and also got a large packet of info to read about pre-op and post-op care.

I knew I couldn't have any food after midnight the night before surgery, but in this packet I learned that I can have black coffee up to 2 hours before arrival. THIS IS AMAZING NEWS.

(Note: This good news was later shattered, and I was told that I could not, in fact, have coffee.)

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 27

We had Dairy Queen Blizzards for dinner last night because it's 95 degrees and I have entered my DNGAF era.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 26

I had eye strain yesterday (fun, fun). Probably because I'm doing SO MUCH trying to wrap up client work and prep my 1-person business in advance of taking time off to recover from brain surgery.

Spent the last few hours of the day lying in bed, in a dark room, with a face mask.

"Why do you write like you're running out of time? Write day and night like you're running out of time?" - Hamilton

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 26 (Part Two)

Conversation with my attorney to make updates to my trust JUST IN CASE something happens during brain surgery or after. Odds of dying are low (same as any surgery, basically a cardiac event), but I wanted to be prepared.

The silver lining of this is that I already have a trust, already have an attorney... it was a quick phone call to explain the changes I wanted to make.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 25

My sleep is completely messed up. I wake up around midnight with racing thoughts. Awake for hours. Maybe fall back asleep, maybe not. Maybe get a nap the next day, maybe not. Exhausted by the next evening. Repeat.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 24

Picking up a new chair today. Months ago, I parted ways with a chair I had for 10+ years because it was falling apart. Never bothered to replace it.

But now, I'll have a bunch of "sitting around and resting" post-brain surgery so it feels like a cozy chair is warranted. (And I found one on sale at World Market.)

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 23

I'm a writer. My writing is ALWAYS done by me, but I also use ChatGPT sometimes to help me flesh out an outline. Like "What else could I add to this piece?"

Today, I was working on an outline for my Substack and ChatGPT's response was entirely meh. I typed in "I have a brain tumor. This needs to have XYZ perspective."

ChatGPT replied, "Thank you for sharing that—I'm honored you’d trust me with something so personal."

I KNOW it's a robot. But still. It made me smile a little bit.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 22

I spent a LOT of time crying yesterday. I feel like my body is broken. I had a stillborn baby in 2015 and lost another baby in 2016. It took so much time to heal from those experiences (and they still impact me to this day). And now I have a brain tumor.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 21

Three weeks from today. I might still be in surgery or just waking up from surgery. The procedure is scheduled for six hours, so depends on what time they start.

A friend of mine is a neurosurgery OR nurse and she said that the procedure will take however long it takes and just because it takes longer doesn't mean anything is wrong.

I'll just go to sleep and wake up and it will be over. But thinking about my friends and family who have to wait.

(Note: A nurse had originally told me 6 hours, but the neurosurgeon later clarified that it will be 10-12 hours.)

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 20

My kids are currently visiting my parents, a trip that was planned before I learned that I have a brain tumor. So the house is very quiet right now. I've been able to work on my brain tumor recovery prep (pre-writing content, making notes for my parents who will stay with us and take care of the kids).

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 19

I'm headed to Arizona today to visit my parents. My kids have been there since Monday, so I'll be picking them up and bringing them home (and staying for two days).

When I met with the neurosurgeon a few weeks ago about scheduling brain surgery, he asked if I had any trips planned. I told him about this one. He said, "Take the trip."

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 18

I joined a support group on Facebook for people with meningiomas (and caregivers). But it's making me super anxious. The outcomes are so varied. Some people are fine. And some people have looong recoveries and permanent physical deficits.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 17

I want to put together a recovery playlist for the hospital and home. Please share your best "You've got this!" songs or just songs that are so fun that they always make you smile.

(Note: Between Threads, Facebook, and friends, I added over 90 songs to my playlist!)

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 16

Got back from a short trip to Arizona. Now feel like I have very little time left before surgery. Which is true - I started this countdown around the 40-day mark.

At least I had a few weeks to plan, but oof. Feels like a lot remaining to make sure things keep moving smoothly (work and family).

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 15

I have another appointment with the neurosurgeon this afternoon, and I'm bringing a list of questions. Teetering between wanting to be prepared for possible outcomes and not wanting to freak myself out.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 14

TWO WEEKS.

Met with the neurosurgeon again yesterday and went through all of the risks (there are a lot, but none of them include me dying). He warned that the recovery might be longer than the typical 6 weeks for brain surgery.

But he also said that the fact that the tumor is as large as it is and I've basically had no major symptoms is kind of remarkable. So who knows. Maybe I'll get lucky and have minimal deficits after surgery.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 13

I have SO MUCH going on before brain surgery. Like today, I'm taking my daughter to the orthodontist, and my oldest has their last driving lesson for driver's ed. Just all kinds of appointments and stuff, trying to wrap things up.

But also going to do some fun stuff as a family. ❤️

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 12

I'm going for a walk with a friend this morning. It's something we've done together in the summer for years (she's a teacher). This might be our last walk before surgery... MAYBE one more next week before surgery.

But walking is one of the things I'm supposed to do while recovering, so I'm hoping she'll be willing to stop by and go for short walks with me once I'm able to do so.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 11

Every day, I update this note on my Alexa Show device. The countdown is very real.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 10

It'll be a busy weekend. It's my husband's birthday. I have to take my 13-year-old into Chicago for an appointment. We have some cleaning to do before my parents arrive next weekend.

I look at the calendar and know I have so few days left before surgery and have SOMETHING going on every single day.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 9

Single digits. And I have a procedure the day before (a tumor embolization) so I'll actually be checking into the hospital in 8 days.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 8

Anxiety has really settled in. And there's nothing I can do but wait out the remaining days.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 7

Amid all of my final prep, I'm going to get a pedicure today with my oldest kiddo.

I'm not the type who gets pedicures (even though I enjoy them). Last time I got one was probably 10+ years ago. So I'll have some pretty toes when I check into the hospital.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 6

I have stuff to do every day.
- Meeting with a friend for dinner tonight
- Signing updated trust documents at my lawyer's office tomorrow
- Lunch date with hubby tomorrow
- Final prep around the house on Friday
- Going to a Broadway show (in Chicago) on Saturday
- My parents arrive Sat. evening
- Walk my parents through everything on Sunday

Leave for the hospital in Chicago Sunday evening for an early-morning pre-surgery procedure on Monday.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 5

Was supposed to meet a friend for dinner last night. But I got hit by an anxiety attack and stayed home under my weighted blanket instead.

I debated for more than an hour whether I should force myself to go, because I really wanted to see her. But I just couldn't do it.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 4

Today is all about getting ready for my parents' arrival (tomorrow) and prepping my at-home recovery space.

And finalizing the notes for my parents — kid activities, routines, phone numbers of friends, etc.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 3

My daughter's 8th birthday is 17 days after surgery. So a party is out of the question.

We bought tickets to see the Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast in Chicago today. Something special for her. And a last hurrah for me before surgery.

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 2

I'm waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. My last morning coffee for a while. I have a tumor embolization tomorrow morning, so no eating or drinking after midnight tonight.

I love sitting on my couch every morning, drinking my coffee and playing Wordle. I haven't missed playing Wordle since January 2, 2022. I've lost (obviously), but I've played every single day. That streak is about to be broken.

I always joked that I wouldn't miss Wordle unless I was in a coma. I guess I should have said "coma or brain surgery."

Days Until Brain Tumor Eviction: 1

There will be an "after." I don't know what that after loks like, but I will be some different version of myself. Not the person I am now.

See you on the other side.