I Am Grateful

Medical issues are not a competition.

Image created via Midjourney

Since I learned that I had a brain tumor, I started sharing updates online – mostly on Threads, but also occasionally on LinkedIn and Facebook (and writing here, in my blog).

As I first started researching meningiomas online, I found two things: 1) the symptoms and surgery outcomes are so wide that it's almost impossible to get good information, and 2) support groups can be really overwhelming.

So I started sharing my experiences. And found a community of people – complete strangers in some cases – cheering me on. They reminded me that incremental progress is still progress.

At least, most people are supportive.

Yesterday, I wrote about taking care of my left eye after surgery. My facial paralysis included the eyelid, so every night I have to apply an eye lubricant and then tape the eyelid shut. This is so I don't inadvertently scratch my cornea with a blanket during the night.

But now, my eye closes pretty well on its own. I have a visit tomorrow with a cornea specialist, and I'm hoping I'll get the ok to stop my nightly ritual.

I shared this on Threads yesterday and got quite a comment response: "Other people have it much worse than you. You should be grateful that you're getting better."

I was pretty stunned. However, I assumed the person was coming from a place of hurt, so I simply removed the comment rather than responding.

I'm incredibly grateful. I know things could have been much worse. I could have had a malignant tumor rather than a benign one. My side effects after surgery could have been much worse and more permanent.

Major medical issues are not a competition to see who is suffering the most. Do I wish this hadn't happened to me? Yes. Am I jealous of people who feel normal, while I still feel fatigued and like there's a giant weight on my head? Yes.

I share, hoping that maybe one person out there who has had brain surgery (or has surgery upcoming) can feel less alone. It's a mixture of "this has really sucked" and "it's getting a little bit better every day."