My Hair After Surgery
Mourning my hair loss.
A few days after surgery, I desperately wanted a shower. I felt exceedingly gross after lying in bed for days.
Finally, I was stable enough that a nurse could help me shower. I sat the entire time and used a handheld sprayer. I had to carefully work around the large incision and staples in my head, but I still felt immensely better.
My post-operative care included using baby shampoo and no use of a hair dryer. I've been growing out my hair for years, so I had to gingerly comb it after each wash, with a towel draped over my shoulders for hours since I couldn't dry it.
Over my 15 day stay at the hospital and rehab facility, my hair felt increasingly gross. The baby shampoo was thick and greasy, and I had to be so careful not to harm the surgical area that my hair never really felt clean.
Showering was (and still is) the hardest thing I do. For the rest of the day, I have one eye covered to correct my double vision. But I can't do that in the shower. My left eye also doesn't fully close on its own, so I leave that eye open and pinch my right eye closed. Even doing that, I'm pretty unsteady.
I already had a shower stool (because I like to sit in the hot water), but bought one that is more chair-like with a back, hoping it would make things easier.
A few days after I got home, I was combing my hair and a large chunk fell out. I've had hair loss before, after each pregnancy. Google told me not to worry – that it was a common post-operative side effect. I could tell that my hair overall had thinned considerably.
I saw the neurosurgeon this week (along with a team of residents, since it is a teaching hospital). They noticed the hair loss. The surgeon said something to the residents about "blood vessels" as a cause and they all nodded like they knew what he meant. I didn't ask further.
After that appointment, I positioned my phone over the back of my head and took a photo. I was quite horrified by what I saw: a significant, noticeable bald spot at the back of my head.
As it grows back in, it'll either be awkward or I'll need to cut it – probably the latter. And it took so long to get to its current length. I talked about the different options out loud, and my 13-year-old said, "I like you with long hair." I like it also, but I don't know what to do. For now, my hair looks fine from the front, and if I pull my hair up with a clip I can hide the bald spot. Not like I'm leaving the house much.
I'm mourning just a little. It feels like a silly thing considering the potential outcomes of this surgery, but it was really unexpected. And I can't even cry properly about it: tears only come out of my right eye, not the left.
But perhaps I'll get a tattoo around or near the large scar behind my ear and neck and can embrace the change.
Anna Burgess Yang