Six Months Later

I've had so many posts in my head for the past few months. I don't know why I haven't written them down. I'll probably regret that someday, I'll wonder how I felt between months 3-6 post-surgery, and I won't have my own writing to rely on. 

I'm now six months post-brain surgery.

November was the month in which I really started to feel normal. I managed to start working again in mid-September, but all of my energy was directed at client work. I was still frequently tired. But in November, I challenged myself to do writing outside of client work every day. It was like re-training a muscle. Once reactivated, I felt good again.  

We had a fairly normal holiday season. Hosted Thanksgiving. All of our usual pre-Christmas activities. 

My face is about 95% back to normal. It still feels stiff and weird to me, but I think a casual observer wouldn't notice anything. When I'm tired, in particular, I can tell that my left eye looks droopy. I've struggled with headaches in the cold weather. I can feel my facial muscles tense up. I got a heated massager, and it helps. 

I started driving, which was very freeing. Legally, I can drive with double vision. I kept one eye covered and only drove during daylight hours. No highway driving. But I'd drop the kids off at school or pick up groceries.

In January, I saw the neuro ophthalmologist. Around the six-month mark, vision can plateau, but mine is still improving. She prescribed glasses with a prism and I got them about a week ago. After my eyes adjusted, I could see clearly again. Hallelujah. 

Ger and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. We'd talked for years about going to Europe for the milestone. That wasn't feasible (having a major medical issue is expensive!), but we took a short trip to Disneyland in California. Two days in the park, with travel days on either end. It felt like the first "break" I've had in six months. No work, no kids, doing something purely for fun. 

Even though I'd only gotten my new glasses a few days before and my vision felt wonky at times, the trip felt normal. I was able to walk 8+ miles each day in the parks without feeling fatigued. A delayed flight home didn't faze me. I avoided some rides with spinning or big drops, but I'm not a big fan of thrill rides anyway, so it was fine. 

I've told myself that if nothing else improves, I'll be fine. The prism glasses were a game-changer. I prefer contact lenses, but if I have to switch to glasses, so be it (though I'm still hoping my vision keeps getting better). The only time I notice my double vision now is when I take my glasses off to shower or right before bed.

The next big step will be another MRI in April to monitor the small bit of tumor remaining and make sure it doesn't start growing again. Then I'll see the ophthalmologist again in July to check my vision.

While we were in Disneyland, Ger said we're celebrating that I've been given a "second chance at life." I don't really see it that way, since "death" wasn't on the list of surgery outcomes. But he pointed out that if my tumor hadn't been discovered until later, it could have caused a lot more damage as it continued to grow. That part is true. We will never know the answer to that "What-If" scenario.