Sometimes Life Is Just... Life

My husband and I went for a walk earlier this week.

For many years, I've taken walks in the park by our house. My walks have a dual purpose of thinking time and exercise.

Most of the time, I walk alone, but every once in a while, my husband joins me. Lately, we've taken a lot of walks together as we've grappled with my brain tumor diagnosis.

He thinks that life is being incredibly unfair. We already went through two pregnancy losses. Now this?

I don't think of it that way. Obviously, I would prefer NOT to have a brain tumor. But I don't think of life as a spectrum of "fair" and "unfair."

I'm sure there were moments when I questioned why our babies died, but mostly it was just something that happened. A fucking terrible life event, but not something done to me.

And that's how I feel now. It's not the diagnosis I ever would have expected, but it is what it is.

I've told myself that whatever damage happens during surgery, I can live with it. My cognitive abilities won't be harmed. And I'm not going to die. Those are the important things.

I told a friend that, and he replied, "You are the most down-to-earth human being."

Maybe. But there's not much else I can do. There's just no way to prepare for what the outcome will be.