SHARE

A collection of 23 posts

current events

The End of Community

Losing a community is hard, especially when the loss is not by choice.

sharing my story

Can I Talk About My Babies?

It has gotten easier to talk about pregnancy loss.

A Walk to Remember

My Vilomah

September is always a hard month for me.  I hit Nelle’s birthday on September 4th, and then spend the rest of the month being reminded of how hard that first month in that first year was.  How I spent days on end crying on the bathroom floor, with my

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Telling a Short Story

I had to be ok with that abbreviated version of my story.

A Walk to Remember

When Emotions Hit Later

After our Walk to Remember was rained out last year, I was looking forward to this year’s event.  The Walk raises money for the SHARE program that supports parents who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.  While being the largest fundraiser for the program during the year, it

pregnancy

Triggers, Loud and Soft

Last week, I attended a Share meeting.  I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss.  Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born.  I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived.  The days are not

labor and delivery

Reflections On Medical Care

Recently, I asked Sue if she remembered the first time that we spoke. “It was on the phone,” I said, “And I screamed at you.” Sue is the perinatal bereavement coordinator at the hospital where I delivered Nelle and Iris, and also a labor and delivery nurse.  While I was

holidays

Light, Words, and Gathering

The only event on my calendar yesterday was a Luminary ceremony hosted by the loss support group of which I am a member.  My nanny’s exclamation of “Cinco de Mayo!” and various photos I saw of the Kentucky Derby reminded me that many people had very different celebrations yesterday.

holidays

When Two Years Have Passed

After taking a few months off, I went to SHARE last night.  I found that while Autumn was still a very young baby, it was too difficult to support other loss parents while simultaneously struggling with having a rainbow baby at home and the emotions that followed the daily ins

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Tell Your Story

Let me tell you what I wish I’d known When I was young and dreamed of glory You have no control: Who lives, who dies, who tells your story? -From ‘Hamilton’ For the third time, I appeared before a group of hospital staff to tell my story of being

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Pass It On

It took me 406 days after Nelle was stillborn and 255 days after losing Iris to attend my first SHARE meeting.  The first meeting is always the hardest, even more than a year after my losses.  Being in the room with so many other parents, all of whom knew that

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Around the Table

I took me over a year to attend my first SHARE meeting.  It was hard.  The passage of months hadn’t lessened my pain.  Speaking around a table of parents who had experienced loss did not bring me comfort.  Instead, I felt the weight of their stories and sadness.  The

anxiety

The Right to Grow

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We

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Eight

Raising kids is stamped with firsts. First steps, first words, first day of school, first time driving a car, first date.  There were many other firsts in the year following baby loss.  First Christmas without my babies.  First time a close friend had a baby.  First time I attended a

appointments

Going Alone

So many of my appointments are solo visits.  I waver back and forth between wanting Ger there, and thinking “I should be able to do this alone. If this were a normal pregnancy, I would be able to go alone.”  In the back of my mind, I still have an

honoring

I Must Have Changed

`Who are YOU?’ said the Caterpillar. …Alice replied, rather shyly, `I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.’ -from Alice in Wonderland I was sitting

pregnancy

People Who Have Cracked

“When you are feeling down, not good enough, or like a complete failure, remember this…. the light will only shine through people who have cracked.”  -@beachyogagirl (via Instagram) I debated not going to the SHARE meeting last night, the support group for people who have lost a baby. I’

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A Different Mood

I went to the support group last night for parents who had experienced loss and were either pregnant again or considering pregnancy.  The group meets only once a month. The last meeting was before my 20-week ultrasound and I was a wreck. I cried through most of the meeting and

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Struggle

“Don’t let your struggle become your identity.”  -Unknown Back in the Fall, I attended a support group for pregnancy and infant loss called SHARE.  It is sponsored by the hospital where I delivered.  It took me nearly a year after losing Nelle to go to my first meeting.  Each

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The Panel

There is no patient more important than a patient who has experienced loss.

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This Is the Room

I finally decided to gather up my strength and attend a support group.

honoring

The Way the Sky Looks

If we look at the path, we do not See the sky. We are earth people On a spiritual journey to the stars. Our quest, our earth walk, is to look Within, to know who we are, to see that We are connected to all things, That there is no

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Comfort

I am part of a private forum, moderated by the hospital where I gave birth to both Nelle and Iris.  The forum is for parents of pregnancy loss and infant loss and called SHARE. A woman posted recently that she delivered her baby girl, stillborn, at 35 weeks gestation.  She