Musings Out Loud (Page 2)

Musings Out Loud

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watercolor of a simple birthday cake with candle

I'm a year older and keep changing career directions

My birthday felt surreal this year, for many reasons.

watercolor of an iris with a sunset in the background

Gathering With My People

The annual Walk to Remember, honoring all babies lost, has been an important event for me ever since I first attended in 2016. It had grown to almost 1,000 attendees per year — continued growth a continued reminder that more and more people join the world of pregnancy loss every

watercolor infinity pool with mountains in the background

The Math Doesn't Work Out

I'm trying to build for the future. But will it pay off?

watercolor of red maple leaves on a tree

The Colors Are Coming

No doubt Fall is here.

a watercolor of a zoo far off in the distance

I Don't Expect to Arrive

I think of everything that could go wrong.

watercolor of a park bench on a rainy day

Growing Up

I'm so proud of the person my son is growing up to be.

watercolor a tree with red fall leaves near a calm pond

It's That Time of Year

It is Nelle's birthday. And I have to give myself some grace.

watercolor school supplies on a small desk

Back to School

The first days of a new school year are always hard.

watercolor a slice of strawberry shortcake on a blue plate

Five Years

My guilt became overwhelming. My daughter deserved a party and I blew it.

watercolor a single daisy in a field with gray clouds in the background

The Language of Losing Friends

Preserving friendships: Knowing when to work hard and when to let go — that’s the difficult part.

watercolor looking out a window at trees on a rainy day

I Still Cry Sometimes

Crying in my car was a reminder that no matter how much time passes, I always carry grief.

watercolor a blue vase with lots of cracks and chips

Fixing Things

Here I am. Trying to fix things. Trying to move, keep busy, and not let myself think too much.

watercolor of abstract geometric shapes

The Irrational and Rational

It's hard to tell my brain to turn off those irrational fears because they seem rational.

watercolor an american flag in a field with a sunrise in the background

abortion rights

Lost Freedom

Since I recognized the slump I’m in, I’m doing the best I can to pull myself forward.

watercolor a lonely monarch butterfly on a small flower

abortion rights

Feeling Scattered

We’re not supposed to live in a constant state of turmoil, fear, and devastation.

watercolor watermelon on a picnic table

The Work of Summer

Summer always seems to bring an inevitable slowdown, both in work and life.

watercolor an apple and a pencil on a desk

The End of the School Year

Another school year has drawn to a close.

watercolor silhouette of mountains with lightning

Anguished Screams

I had to just pretend that I wasn’t completely broken inside.

watercolor a small bench under a large tree

What Is Missing

All I’m missing now is time. I still have to “fit” writing into my overall schedule.

watercolor sunflowers in a white vase

Mother's Day Is Complicated

I don’t need a special day of acknowledgment. Nor do I want it, as a bereaved mother

watercolor dreams soaring across a starry sky

A Dream I Had

I’ve had dreams in the past where I immediately start sobbing upon hearing the news that my baby had died. Not this time.

watercolor pink fluffy clouds

parenting after loss

In the Clouds

Instead of letting my daughter create a fantasy world, I decided to give her some facts.

watercolor delicate pink baby booties

Wanting Sisters

With my daughter, it’s so much more than simply "the youngest child" or "the baby of the family."

watercolor a canoe on a calm lake

Some Time Away

I like routine, a lot. But I have also appreciated this break.