Relieving the Pressure

This year, I'm doing something different.

abstract watercolor illustration of a lone daisy growing in a field, early morning sun
Image created via Midjourney

I've had so many disappointments for Mother's Day. Some years, I'm frustrated when the day doesn't go as planned. Other years, I'm unbearably sad, thinking about Nelle and Iris. I'll feel like I'm not on the same wavelength as everyone else. Or I'll pretend that it's like any other Sunday but can't escape that nagging feeling that it should feel special.

This year, I'm doing something different: spending the day alone.

We wrapped up a big home improvement project a few weeks ago. Out of that project, I got a new office — a room that didn't exist before. We had a 2-story sunroom and split the room into upper and lower levels. The upper level is my new office.

I'm going to spend the day doing things I want to do. I have a never-ending list of projects I'd like to work on.

If I don't have to interact with other people, I won't feel the pressure to make the day into something it's not. I won't have to be cheerful when I'm feeling sad. I won't be disappointed if the day doesn't go as I'd imagined, since the day will be entirely within my control.

And I'll get a break. Something every parent needs.

(Side note: I'm sure Ger would love the same in return for Father's Day.)

Yesterday, we went out to breakfast for Mother's Day at one of my favorite local restaurants. I figured it'd be less crowded and easier on the waitstaff. Plus, it worked perfectly with my plan to be alone. I could still celebrate with my family, but not on the actual day.

I'll wrap up the day by having dinner with my family. And then we'll watch an episode of The Amazing Race, like we do so many Sunday evenings. An ordinary end to the weekend.

It's early in the morning. It would seem like my day is just beginning, but I've been awake since 5 am. I have my coffee and my list of things to work on, and I can't wait to get started.

Mother’s Day Is Complicated
I don’t need a special day of acknowledgment. Nor do I want it, as a bereaved mother
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