holidays

A collection of 29 posts

holidays

Relieving the Pressure

This year, I'm doing something different.

Mother's Day

Unsure of What Comes Next

That's the thing about trauma. It makes you afraid and constantly think of worst-case scenarios.

holidays

Singing Amazing Grace

I felt like I couldn't breathe under the enormity of grief.

abortion rights

Lost Freedom

Since I recognized the slump I’m in, I’m doing the best I can to pull myself forward.

current events

Mother's Day Is Complicated

I don’t need a special day of acknowledgment. Nor do I want it, as a bereaved mother

COVID-19

Another Christmas Alone

We had plans to celebrate Christmas. Our plans have now changed.

anxiety

The Christmas "Shake It Off"

Christmas is usually a time of profound joy for me.

COVID-19

A Different Thanksgiving Celebration

I'll do my best to find new ways for us to have joy at home, but it will be hard.

birthdays

It's Never Just Valentine's Day

I was feeling anxious and down all week.

Christmas

Continuing the Holiday Magic

I love the looks on my kids' faces on Christmas morning.

holidays

A Day of Subtle Reminders

I am sad for the daughters that I cannot hold.

goals

Reflecting on Time and Energy

At the end of every year, I reflect and look forward to what lies ahead.

holidays

Holiday Family Traditions

My first grader came home with a project called “My Holiday Customs and Traditions.”  It included a list of questions to answer about how our family spends the holidays and a requirement to make a poster to accompany an in-class presentation.  The underlying theme is to celebrate differences in both

family

Navigating the Holidays

The day before Thanksgiving, Ger made a comment to me that Thanksgiving was an “easy” holiday.  Unlike the anticipation of Christmas or the stigma of Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving was just a day to be grateful for what you have, in his mind. I responded “But what about people who

holidays

An Unease with Mother's Day

Motherhood is complicated.  Mother’s Day is complicated.  Other holidays have all kinds of triggers for those that are grieving.  Christmas can be a time of forced joy when all that’s felt is pain.  Thanksgiving centers around being thankful, when often sentiments are far from that place.  But no

holidays

Light, Words, and Gathering

The only event on my calendar yesterday was a Luminary ceremony hosted by the loss support group of which I am a member.  My nanny’s exclamation of “Cinco de Mayo!” and various photos I saw of the Kentucky Derby reminded me that many people had very different celebrations yesterday.

holidays

When Two Years Have Passed

After taking a few months off, I went to SHARE last night.  I found that while Autumn was still a very young baby, it was too difficult to support other loss parents while simultaneously struggling with having a rainbow baby at home and the emotions that followed the daily ins

holidays

My Story, Shared

I wondered what I would feel like writing on Christmas Day.  Would I feel like recounting the day of delight that my big kids feel when they wake up and find their presents from Santa?  Would I reflect on the past two years of anxiety, waking up on Christmas morning,

holidays

Ornaments, Revisited

I was so devastated that Iris’s ornament did not arrive a few days ago.  Our holiday plans included letting Theo and Quentin make ornaments for Nelle and Iris today and it was with a bit of “breathe… and let go.”  After all, they are kids.  Who knew what the

holidays

Change in Plans

For the past few weeks, I have been doing well. There is an enjoyment to the holiday season that I haven’t been able to feel for the past two years. I have a sweet, smiley baby. Two older kids that are so excited for all of the Christmas activities

holidays

Traditions Old and New

Christmas is always a magical time for me.  Our home growing up was always richly decorated for the holidays.  The Rotary Lights display in my hometown area was always a must, boasting millions of magical lights throughout Riverside Park.  Lefse, Chex mix, Lora’s Sugar Cookies, and rosettes were always

family

A Different Photo

I have been sending out Christmas cards since the first year Ger and I were married (so that was 11 Christmases ago…)  I have a large, black wire card tree that lovingly holds all of the cards we receive in return.  By the end of the season, my tree is

holidays

On Thursday's Table

The last two Thanksgivings, I was such a mess that gave no thought to how I could honor my daughters at our table.  Consumed by grief and fear, it was all I could do to make it through a day where gratitude is the overwhelming expectation. Only a few days

holidays

Enter Holidays

None of the shoppers had the look that I held at that moment: grief.

holidays

The Surrounding Activity

Our last Fourth of July family croquet tournament was two years ago (a bi-annual event). I was about twelve weeks pregnant with Nelle. She should be a toddler running around this year. Or Iris would be almost a year old. Instead, I attend the event, 33 weeks pregnant with Baby