Musings Out Loud
A collection of 21 posts
I Am Aware
I am no longer in a state of constant anxiety.
Reflecting on Mental Health
I acknowledge that my physiological response to anxiety is not something I can control.
Acceptance of the New Normal
I try to stay connected with people, but it isn't the same.
The Last Thing I Did "Before"
So much is unknown.
Knowing When Something Is Off
I know that the beginning of therapy is hard work.
The Language About What Happened
I know what that's like to never see my child again.
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Therapy is supposed to be my safe space.
Ninety Minutes for Me
I really needed a break.
The Day Leading Up to The Day
September is a hard month overall.
When the Work Isn't Helpful
I left therapy feeling worse than I have in a long time.
Practicing Gratitude in Many Ways
I began seeing a therapist, Alexia, five days after Nelle was stillborn. I remember making the phone call to a counseling services group that had been recommended to me and when asked for the reason for wanting the appointment I had to say the words out loud “Because… because my
Triggers, Loud and Soft
Last week, I attended a Share meeting. I found myself the “furthest out” in the room: the most time had passed since my loss. Now heading toward three years ago this September since Nelle was born. I was that voice from the “other side”: somehow survived. The days are not
For Better or Worse
I can't pretend that nothing is going on
Another Name for the Book
Part of seeing a new therapist means rehashing many details of my life, and over the past few years, grief. I saw my previous therapist for two years. During the first session, I had to share with her all of the details of how we lost Nelle. I had a
2.5 Years of Marriage Later
I have not shied away from admitting when I needed help.
Another year, another birthday. This is the first year where I have really felt my age: now 34. My 20s brought a lot of changes in our lives and then early 30s was just adding a number to the year, but I have become increasingly aware of my age. I
A few weeks before our wedding, I was in a car accident where I was not at fault: another driver ran a stop sign and hit my car on the driver’s side. Just over a year later, the same thing happened again – a driver ran a stop sign and
Struggling to Move On
There are still days when I cannot face the world.
My week did not improve much and now I feel completely buried under its weight. My session with my therapist hard. She had me look into the future, which was incredibly painful and difficult, knowing that the future isn’t what I had imagined it would be. Whereas I had
In my own head, I'm trying to heal as best I can, knowing it will take time.
Today I noticed that some of leaves are just starting to change colors.
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