Yoga After a Hiatus of 18 Months

After losing two babies in a six-month period, I decided to try Bikram yoga in March of 2016. There is a studio two miles from my house, and hot yoga has always piqued my curiosity. I had been a regular yoga practitioner for years, and the idea of sweating out my depression and angst seemed appealing.

I went again and again.

90 minutes in a stifling 105-degree room with 40% humidity became my escape. I continued to go three or four times a week until I became pregnant again.

Nine months later, I had my baby — the baby for whom I had been longing. Bikram yoga crossed my mind, but the intense heat while nursing seemed like a bad combination. Finally, at eight months old, the baby was weaned and I began to think of returning to class.

On a Sunday morning, I pulled into the parking lot. A small, sporty car immediately pulled into the space next to mine. The studio is in a strip of businesses, so the parking lot is never an indication of attendance, but the man in the car gave me a big smile as he climbed out. Of course, he must be a yogi.

The instructor was not one I had met before and I tried to decide if this was a good or a bad thing. Finally decided that the anonymity might be nice since I was unsure how I would feel after nearly eighteen months.

I entered the hot room and found a spot. I used to plant myself in the front row but wasn’t quite that confident today. I lay down my mat, two towels, and two stainless steel water bottles. I used to have a system to my towels, peeling away one mid-class after it became so soaked with sweat that it was slippery, but I could not remember how or when I managed to do this.

I glanced around the room. A few familiar faces. Would they recognize me? The confident man in the front row had more tattoo art than I remembered. The blonde lady looked the same. The man next to me was a new face, with white hair and a mat that read “Everything is in its place.” Yes, yes it is.

Class began and I quickly fell back into the postures. I could see my skin reacting to the heat, but after a few minutes I adjusted and it was welcomed. I knew when to grab quick sips of water. I could tell that my spine was not nearly as flexible as it had been, but I still had balance.

The class was not a struggle. In fact, it was a welcomed hour and a half of relaxation.

When I had finished the final savasana, I gathered up my things, quite pleased with how I felt. As I passed through the studio’s lobby, I saw the studio owner had arrived. Her face broke into a big grin when she saw me and she came over to give me a hug. I hadn’t been sure that she would remember me.