birthdays

A collection of 28 posts

birthdays

The Best Birthday

I was trying to make up for three years of missed birthday joys.

birthdays

The Ups and Downs of a Week

Last weekend, I had a nightmare.

pregnancy loss

It Has Been Seven Years

I write about my pain to let other women know that they're not alone.

birthdays

I'm a year older and keep changing career directions

My birthday felt surreal this year, for many reasons.

birthdays

Growing Up

I'm so proud of the person my son is growing up to be.

birthdays

It's That Time of Year

It is Nelle's birthday. And I have to give myself some grace.

birthdays

Five Years

My guilt became overwhelming. My daughter deserved a party and I blew it.

birthdays

The Third Pandemic Birthday

This year, my son's birthday felt normal again.

birthdays

A Cake Too Early

I still don't know what to do about a cake.

birthdays

Another Year Around the Sun

This year, I can look forward a bit more.

birthdays

Bittersweet Moments

The days leading up to Autumn's birthday are always bittersweet for me

birthdays

The Second Pandemic Birthday

When my kids were young, I used to plan elaborate themed birthday parties. They really couldn’t appreciate the work that I put in, but they always enjoyed having friends over and lots of food. As they got older, they opted to substitute a party for a trip to a

career

A New Chapter

It is a bittersweet day.

birthdays

Five

Nelle’s birthday did not arrive slowly as it has in past years. Usually, I could feel the weight of the day creeping up on me. It would be September. I would start to look ahead to our annual trip to the coulee, and the tree where we scattered her

birthdays

A Birthday We Will Never Forget

Quentin turns 8 years old today.  We could never have imagined a birthday like this one. Our schools are shut down, at least until April 6th, but I am guessing that it will be longer.  Restaurants are closed to dine-in eating.  We had plans to go to a hotel and

birthdays

It's Never Just Valentine's Day

In the passing of years since my daughters died, I have become more prepared for the “hard days” – the hardest being their birthdays.  Nelle’s birthday was Labor Day weekend that particular year, so it ushers in multiple days of grief in the subsequent years.  And Iris’s birthday is

birds

A Week of Birthday Thoughts

Four years.  1,461 days.  My baby girl, my first daughter, my Nelle Claudia Dej was born.  She was given a name we had already picked out.  When we brought home her ashes, it was to a nursery that we had already started to furnish. In Year One, I wrestled

birthdays

The Day Leading Up to The Day

I am counting the days, one by one, until September 4th.  Nelle’s birthday.  It will have been four years since she was stillborn. That year, it was Labor Day weekend.  So not only do I have the actual day, but everything surrounding Labor Day reminds me of that weekend.

birthdays

And Now Two

Always an unwelcome "what-if" and a reminder that I can grieve and cherish at the same time.

birthdays

The Day That Should Be Hers

The day crept up.  Stealth-like.  Amid fatigue, snow days, and household winter illnesses, I looked at the calendar and realized that it was February 12th.  The day that we found out that Iris had no heartbeat.  After 14 hours of labor, she was born on February 13th at 7:42

birthdays

Those Dates, All Over Again

The day.  January 14th.  My wedding anniversary.  This year, thirteen – lucky thirteen.  While searching this morning for a quote to commemorate the day, I tripped across the following: A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time.  It is a husband and wife who take turns being

birthdays

The Rumbling

The first book I read after Nelle died in September of 2015 was Rising Strong by Brene Brown.  It was exactly what I needed at that time.  Brown talks about three parts of the rising strong process:  the Reckoning, the Rumble, and the Revolution.  Of the rumble, she writes:  “The

birthdays

Anticipating the Day

Among the bereaved parents I know, we often say that the anticipation can be worse than the actual event.  Thinking about an upcoming baby shower or family gathering can bring on feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, or dread.  We mull over the scenes in our head, playing out confrontations, tears,

birthdays

Reliving a Year

I have had a pit in my stomach over the past few weeks.  I finally realized that I was reliving a lot of the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to her birth: a gnawing fear that something would happen.  This time, I feared that she would never

birthdays

Planning a Party

After learning that I was pregnant with Nelle, I created a “secret board” on Pinterest called Baby Girl.  I added photos of nursery designs, parenting ninja moves I wanted to try “this time around,” baby gear I knew I would need – a wide assortment associated with the excitement of planning